Ficlet: Forgiveness (Remus/Severus, Lily, PG)

[westernredcedar]

Title: Forgiveness
Author: westernredcedar
For: aunty_marion
Characters: Severus/Remus, Lily
Summary: Lily invited all of her friends to visit over summer hols.
Prompt: Severus/anyone, dancing in the garden
Rated: PG
Warnings: angst, underage drinking and smoking
Words: ~1,300
Notes: On April 27, 2012, I posted a ficlet offer, had several requests, and then never wrote a single ficlet. UNTIL NOW. Bwahahaha!
Also, this happily fits with the current "What I Did on my Summer Vacation" challenge at lupin_snape! Even though it is weird, vague Snupin teen angst confusion. Whee! Before you read this, remember that Snape's Worst Memory takes place at the end of fifth year, but the prank not until sixth. Just remember that.



The night air was warm, but a slight breeze had picked up, forcing Lily to tie back her long hair, and then offer to do the same for Severus. The look he gave her must have conveyed the hundreds of ways that was never going to happen, because she rolled her eyes, put the hair tie away, and plopped back down on the blanket. The bonfire crackled and Lupin grinned his idiotic grin as he laid on another log.

Fucking Lupin. How had this happened?

**

During the last days of fifth year, Lily sent Severus a note, inviting him to stay a few days at her parents' house over the summer hols. Before that, she hadn't spoken to him for weeks. The note made something turn over in his guts and hurt, but he responded with a simple accept. Anything to get out of his house, he thought. They'd always had the summer hols, they'd always been different at home.

He walked to her street on a Monday at midday. Lily welcomed him with a smile, a bowl of berries, and a cold butterbeer. He willed away a panic that sprang up at her kindness. She draped her arm around him, let her head drop to his shoulder, and said, "I'm glad you came," in a quiet voice that Severus could hardly hear. Still, he couldn't say the two words he needed to say to make him deserve this. His throat closed up, so instead he leaned into her for just a moment before pulling away.

They were setting up the bonfire in the field behind her house (like when they were nine, and had stolen matches from Lily's kitchen) when a noise made them both look up. Another figure was being ushered out the back door by Lily's scowling sister.

Severus strained to see who it was, but then Lily grinned madly. "Remus!" she shouted, and waved. The little approaching figure waved back. Severus's heart raced.

"What is Lupin doing here?" he whispered, not trusting his voice to be steady.

Lily turned to him, eyes suddenly full of concern. "I thought you two got on all right." She looked quickly over to Lupin and then grabbed Severus by the arm and pulled him right into her face. "I made sure James and Sirius came another week, but Remus was ill, so I said he could…I thought you liked him… Sev, should I ask him not to…?" Her panic was palpable, the grip on his arm was like a vice.

Severus managed to breathe in and out. "You invited them, too?" It wasn't what he meant to say, and he wanted to take it back as soon as he'd said it.

Lily's grip slackened. She looked towards Lupin then back to Severus. "Oh gods, please don't leave. I…we…you and me…we never…anymore…and after what happened…" Her eyes were so green.

"Did you tell Lupin I would be here?"

"Yes."

Lupin was crossing the little creek and almost upon them. Severus cursed the fluttering panic in his gut, bit the inside of his lip, and then steeled himself up.

"I won't leave," he said.

Lily's eyes were wide, and she nodded. It was the best he could do.

**

Now it was Friday. And here they all still were. Lily was reclined on her blanket, ankles crossed and a cheap Muggle beer clasped in her hand (they'd all had a few, sneaked from her dad's garage). Lupin was perched on a rock taking aggravating drags off a fag and looking up at the night sky. Severus watched them both from where he leaned up against an old stump, nursing his own fag, swiped off his mum as he'd stomped out the door five days ago, not telling her where he was going. Why he'd ever agreed to let Lupin bum a fag off him…he twitched thinking about it.

Lily had propped open her bedroom window so a faint breeze of Elton John was wafting over to them ("So much Elton John. Christ, Lily," Lupin had muttered on Wednesday, after a long lazy day, one of the many times Severus had had to squelch a very real desire to agree with him).

It was quiet, calm. Had been all week. Safe, Severus thought, not miserable or awkward or all the things it should be. Then he caught himself. Except for bloody Lupin, of course. He'd ruined everything entirely.

A new song started. "All right, you lazy sods," Lily said, hauling herself up. "I want to dance."

"No," Severus said immediately, and his voice overlapped with Lupin's panicked, "I don't do that." Somehow Severus managed not to look over at Lupin in that moment.

Lily's amusement was bright in the firelight. She took a long pull of her beer. "No worries. I don’t need either of you tossers."

She started to dance, just a little sway to the faint music, and Severus didn't know what was happening to his insides as she headed over to Lupin on the rock, hands out to him, insisting. It was almost worth it to see the miserable look on Lupin's face as she pulled him up and twirled him awkwardly. Lupin sighed audibly, stubbed out his fag, then did a little shimmy (horrified, Severus couldn't look away) and twirled Lily back, grinning. His eyes glanced over to Severus. Fuck.

"See, not so bad," said Lily, and then her most wicked gaze fell on Severus. It was almost as if he hadn’t insulted her so deeply he'd almost lost her forever. "Right, Sev?"

Lily pulled Lupin along, and Severus, frozen in horror, couldn't manage to plan of escape. Lily's small hand was stretched out and in his face before he could move, and Lupin, shadowed by the fire, was standing directly behind her, as far away as he could be with their hands still clasped, eyes averted.

"Up with you," Lily said, bending down and grabbing Severus's hand from where he'd tried to hide it under his leg. Lily bloody Evans, dragging Severus where he didn't want to go for five years and counting. "Up. Up you go!"

Lupin's eyes met his, and…fucking bloody hell…he wrenched his hand away from Lily. "Fine! Just…don't pull." He stubbed out his fag as well, and tried with some semblance of dignity, to rise. In the end, Lupin reached out and he took his hand (hot, shaking) and and helped him get to his feet.

Lily didn't give him a moment to pause and consider Lupin's hand in his. She grabbed Severus and twirled away him away into a mock-waltz, counting "one-two-three, one-two-three" as she trod on his toes and laughed and spun him around the fire. Severus's face was aflame, knowing Lupin was watching, but damn, he missed Lily so much, and he'd lost her, was still losing her. He didn't resist.

Then, unexpectedly, "Your turn, Remus!" and she spun him around and away and right into a warm body, Lupin's warm fucking body, and Lupin had no choice (perhaps) but to catch him to keep him from falling over, so that suddenly they were nose to nose, and Lily was swaying away on her own in the far side of the flames, and this moment had suddenly become very confusing.

Two breaths, three, four, without moving, and then Lupin was the one who pushed away a little, swallowed hard.

"I…don't dance," he said, still far too close.

"Neither do I," Severus replied, somehow, and then stepped back to extract another fag from the pack and retreat a few steps into the darkness.

"I hoped you two would be able to visit together." Lily's voice sounded far away, the bonfire between.

"Did you?" Lupin asked, and this time Severus didn't try to avoid his gaze. He just passed a fag to Lupin without his asking, and fuck it, let their fingers linger. Then he looked over at Lily and wondered if this was what forgiveness felt like.

Comments

[westernredcedar.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks, hon!